Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
