Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
