I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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