I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
