My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
