Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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