I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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