i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
