If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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