his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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