drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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