Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
