i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
