Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
