I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
