Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
