I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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