never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
