Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
