Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
