You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
