a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
