I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
