I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
