your room smells of hookers.
And success
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
