wanna go halves on a baby?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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