Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
