I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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