i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
