Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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