He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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