i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
