You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
