she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
