she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
so much tequila, so little girl.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
