Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
