I seem to have left my pride at pride
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
