You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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