i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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