i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
