Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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