i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
