i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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