We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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