i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He shit in the fireplace
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
