i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
