She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
