I am spending my child support on dildos
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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