someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
