I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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